Monday, January 7, 2008

Thoughts on Red Lobster

So we had supper at Red Lobster on Saturday. My twins requested this for their *14th birthday dinner. As we sat waiting in the overcrowded lobby I made some observations.

1. When did it cease to be proper manners that men and boys remove their hats when indoors? There's just something about grown men and teens wearing those stupid baseball hats in restaurants that just chaps my hide. Ok, so Red Lobster isn't exactly the Oceanaire but still, can't they just leave them in the car?

2. People wear weird shoes. Look down at the feet of a crowd sometime.

3. I was forced to sit next to a couple that smelled like cigarettes and home furnishings that hadn't been washed since 1977. What do I expect? It was Red Lobster after all.

4. Some people are absolutely, completely unaware of traffic flow. Unfortunately my husband is one of them. He's a tall broad-shouldered man who has the uncanny ability to stand exactly where the wait staff need to walk. And he will stand there through multiple wait staff attempts to get around him before I have to physically move him. He's also one of those drivers who stay in the passing lane. Passive aggression or just cluelessness? The world is waiting for an answer.

5. Those cheese biscuits are just mighty tasty.

6. I'm crab-leg challenged. My 8-year-old can fish out the largest, most lovely chunks of crab. I'm forced to use the little crab fork to get the tiniest portions imaginable. I get so frustrated! I just want to dip a big hunk of crab in the butter before it congeals.

*MY TWINS ARE 14! When did THAT happen? It's just impossible because I'm not a day over 27.


michaelg said...

Mmmmmmmmm. Cheesy garlic biscuits. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Walking through the door of Red Lobster is like crossing some planar gateway where it is like our version of reality, only a little cockeyed. When a jumbo shrimp is less than 3 inches long, there is something wrong in the world. We try to save our seafood dining for vacations or sushi.
It seems like just yesterday that your twins were little whiny things that couldn't get enough attention. Oh wait that WAS yesteray. I love your girls. They like stinky cheese and have opinions.

Mnmom said...

But we MUST HAVE CRAB LEGS! Where else to go in the Twin Cities?

michaelg said...

Most big asian buffets have crab legs, but they're a little nastified.
About ten years ago, my roommate and I used to go to the Great Panda buffet in St. Paul on Sundays just to watch people fight over the crab legs. People would line up for them at the buffet. Inevitably when a fresh batch would come out, the first two or three people in line would stack their plates with the things and empty the bin. We heard women calling eachother hogs and once saw a pushing match. Over crab legs? Yes. Over crab legs. It was like a dream.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

In defense of guys wearing baseball caps indoors, the thing is once you puton a hat like that you've got to commit to it 100% because when you take it off you'll have dreaded "hat hair."

Coaster Punchman said...

Ask Mindy about our love affair with Red Lobster.