Burp

The first step is admitting you are powerless.

I am completely and utterly powerless over fried cheese curds.

It's Defeat of Jesse James Days here, and there is a cheese curd booth right downtown, and it's calling to me like a siren on the cliff.  Even as I type this at midnight in my pj's I'm tempted to jump in the car.  The salty taste, the crunch, the creamy middle, the OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!


This morning pink cupcake and I went the the craft show, or as Johnny C calls it the crap show.  Lord have mercy I have never seen so much crap in one place.  Even the booths smelled like a dank smoker's house who fries too much hamburger.  And what's with everybody and their dog selling sheet sets at these things!  They even show up at the Home and Builders show.   They just spring up in some stealth marketing ploy.  One of these days I"m going to go out on my deck and find a retired guy there selling cotton sheet sets.

We made the major mistake of stopping and actually playing with some fun toy bows and arrows.  Then the seller pulled me aside and launched into a crazed story about another guy in the area selling the same thing, and how he conned this guy out of his idea.  Creeped me completely out.

But the very minute we were done there, we headed straight for the cheese curds downtown.  You see what I did, don't you?  Took my youngest, hit the craft show first, all in a ruse to cover my true reason for leaving the house.  The good news is she won $10 in Firemen's Bingo.  Being a reasonably good mother I fought the urge to rip the bills from her hand and buy more cheese curds.

My "good" friends can avoid those things.  They can meander through the booths and maybe get a green salad from the Greek booth, or some unbuttered popcorn from the wagon.  And if they are feeling really bad they'll wash it down with a Diet Coke, but you can't drink too many of those because the sodium makes you retain water weight.  Meanwhile I'm hiding behind the porta-potties scarfing down my 3rd cheese curd order of the day while the warm oil drips down my chin and my face glows with orgasmic delight.

"Who? Me? Oh no, I don't really ENJOY the food!  No I just came downtown to be out in the fresh air enjoying a community festival.  What?  Why am I eating cheese curds?  Oh THESE?  Well, cupcake demanded we order some, then she decided against them and I just can't throw away food, so I started eating one.  Oh my now I'm so full I won't be able to walk home!  I just hate all this greasy food.  Why doesn't someone open a carrot and broccoli booth?  I could eat that stuff all day. Burp!  Oh now I'll have to do an extra 45 minutes on the stair master!"

Good thing this event happens only once a year.

Tis the Season

Ok, NOW you can light the Holiday lights!

How was your turkey? Ours was fried and crispy, and I ate enough spinach balls to rival Popeye. Seriously, could I possibly eat any more and get any fatter? I wore Spanx on T-day and was so ungodly uncomfortable. First chance I got I whipped that thing off and IT swore.

I've taken to wearing far too many elastic waistbands and pretending I just don't WANT to wear my jeans, when in reality I don't want to get out the pliers, the Crisco, and the vacuum to get into them. I believe a bit more walking is in order. And all that holiday food on the way!

New Feature!

In my quest for better health, I'm now going to post my food intake and exercise in the right margins of my blog. It might help me to start being totally accountable for my actions. I realize this is so self-centered and boring, so feel free to ignore it. But if you'd like to "weigh in" with your opinion, chastisement, support, suggestions, etc. go right ahead.

Evidently even my LIVER is fat!!

Long story, but I had an abdominal ultrasound today to make sure I don't have ovarian cancer. Wow, that was quite a sentence! I'll give the results when I have them.

One discovery - my liver is fat. Apparently having breast cancer wasn't enough to scare the fat-gal habits out of me so my body is shooting up another flare. Now I must get absolutely serious about losing weight, exercising, and eating healthy.

Now yes I'm a good cook, love vegetables, and truly enjoy a good long walk. But I'm basically lazy about those things. I'm so busy and active in other areas of life but OY the thought of washing and chopping veggies every day.

And I must really say goodbye to the Satanic Big Macs. I only have about one per month, but they are officially history. As our dear Dr. Monkey says "that stuff will kill you". I'm thinking heavily on the documentary Supersize Me wherein the hero nearly ruins his liver with a McDonald's diet.

So time to strap on the walking shoes and dress that salad. Any and all suggestions and encouragement are welcome.

Seven Random Things

I've been tagged by Beth! I love tags, especially lists. Does that make me weird or just really lazy? I'm to list seven random or weird things about me. Only seven? I could write a book on the subject.

1. I gain weight by merely LOOKING at food.
2. I'm a great singer.
3. I'm afraid of heights
4. I give myself time to read for leisure almost every single day.
5. I have the greatest extended family anyone could ask for.
6. I have such strong lefty political feelings about spirituality, the economy, etc that it's a wonder my neighbors still like me. I often feel like an imposter here in suburbia.
7. I really enjoy watching football and baseball, especially in person, even given #6. College football is my favorite but I wish they wouldn't cut out during the band's performance.
8. I'm a giant nerd.
9. I hate when people try to scare me - I don't find it funny. First it makes me mad, then I cry. Don't ever do it - I'll never forgive you.


Ok, I went for nine - just couldn't stop at seven because I've got a boat-load of quirks. I'm supposed to tag seven people but that's pretty much my entire blog roll, so if you're reading this, you're tagged!

Ham Deeeeeee lites

I made Ham Delights tonight with some leftover Easter ham. My poor sister had about 5 gallon-size Ziploc bags of it to hand out. I think the meat dept at her grocery store misheard her when she said she was having 27 guests - they must have heard 77. We've been eating ham ever since, which would explain my swollen fingers and heartburn. Pork is not the other white meat - it's the greasy pink meat that tastes good only in moderation.




Anyway, I made my Sister-in-Law's recipe for Ham Delights and I've decided to share it with you, because nobody should go even ONE MORE DAY not knowing how to make Ham Delights. They are easy, tasty, freeze well and the kids love them, therefore the perfect food.

My Sister-in-Law is a true Southern Belle from South Carolina. She's a fierce business woman who just completed her Master's Degree who can also come up with the most amazing food. And since her recipes are from the South you just KNOW they're going to be good. If she's bringing something to the potluck you'd better just loosen your pants now and get it over with.

And Ham Delights always makes me think of the group Deee Lite, with their swingin song "Groove is in the Heart", one of my all-time-favorites, but I digress.

HAM DELIGHTS

1 med onion (I used a small one, did I mention heartburn?)
1 lb ham (I used more)
3/4 lb Swiss cheese (again, I used more and I use preshredded. I'm not lazy, I'm efficient. Actually it won't hurt to alter any ingredient)
2 sticks of butter or margarine, soft (Oh, Nelly! I always use much less)
3T. poppy seeds
1t. Worcestershire sauce
3T. prepared mustard
3 pkgs or more of party rolls = small buns

Preheat the oven to 325.
Using a food processor, chop the onion, ham, and cheese (unless you're using preshredded).
In a large bowl combine the butter, poppy seeds, wor. sauce, and mustard and add the onion, ham, and cheese.
Split the pans of rolls in half horizontally, leaving the sheet of bottom halves in the pan. Spread each bottom with the ham and cheese mix.
Top with the top halves and cut into individual servings by following the outline of the rolls. The rolls can be frozen at this time.
These can be placed in a shallow baking pan or make a "pan" out of foil. Top with more foil and seal.
Heat through: 25-30 minutes if frozen. About 15 minutes if fresh.

Sooooooo-eeeeeeeeee pig pig pig!!