Saturday, August 22, 2009

Would you buy one?

Remember when I told you Cousin Anne's joke about the Grandma's Kitchen candle?
Well I was telling a friend about it today, and we got to thinking about other "homey scents" you could put in a candle to evoke memories. Place your order! I'm sure we'll be a HUGE success! Give me your ideas . . .

PRETEEN PARTY - a delightful blend of wet sneakers, a hockey locker room, BO, and cheese popcorn.

BAKING LESSONS - the woodsy smell of dough burning off the bottom of the oven.

COLLEGE DAYS - an evocative mix of bong water, beer soaked carpet, and Domino's pizza.

CHILD OF THE 70s - A patented blend of LOVE's Fresh Lemon, LOVE's Baby Soft, and AVON's Sweet Honesty.

TAILGATER - cheer on your team with a blend of brats, beer, and truck exhaust.

OLD MCDONALD's - who doesn't enjoy manure ponds, pesticides, and sour milk?

A TASTE OF GARY, INDIANA - oh, let's just not go there

MINNESOTA SPRING - a northwoods blend of road salt, mud, dirty winter coats.

THE NURSERY - happy memories of spit up, formula, and the diaper pail

FAMILY VACATION - an original combo of old car, french fries, bologna, and Perkins.

LAZY SUMMER DAZE - a sunny array of bug spray, lighter fluid, sunscreen, and Campho Phenique


Shannon said...

You are so funny! This belongs on the endpage of a magazine somewhere. Send it to Minnesota Monthly!

LoieJ said...

Good, something actually original on the 'net today! I'll add Aunty's cabin: a little bit of morning dew, the musty scent coming off the old easy chair, over-ripe Dutchess apples, and frying pancakes.

Christopher Tassava said...

Awesome! I agree with my wife; this needs to appear in print. Also, sign me up for the candle-a-month club!

Fran said...

This is hilarious!!! Oh my, I am laughing so hard.

BTW, I am back to blogging, I think I emailed you with the new url. If not, let me know if you want to come by!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Don't forget The Bachelor-stale fart odor mixed with beer and essence of flop sweat.

Some Guy said...

I have to drive through Gary every time I go to Chicago. It would take me a very long time to get used to that stench.

Mauigirl said...

I would totally buy "College Daze"! It would bring back some great memories, LOL!

Unknown said...

This cracked me sadly I've experienced a few of those in their original-pre candle state...LOL. The 70's wouldn't be complete without sandalwood incense and patchouli oil!

Churlita said...

The child of the 70's might also benefit from a little added Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific. Every girl I went to school with wore that in 6th grade. Gawd. Awful.

Unknown said...

This is hilarious!!! I am laughing so hard.

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themom said...

What a hilarious selection you offer. FYI - did you see the study results yesterday - about the harmful toxins from burning candles??? It slightly pissed me off, but I am and will continue with my candle obsession. :)

Missy said...

Ha! Did you have High School Locker room on there?