Tuesday, December 29, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
In the tradition of Fran Lebowitz, I'd like to present some New Year's resolutions for other people. I don't go in for them myself - it's too much shame to handle when I fail miserably by February 5th.
For Sarah Palin - I will resolve to learn a few things, and shut my mouth on everything else.
For the fundraising teen athletes at the grocery store - I understand that I'm packing folks' groceries in exchange for actual cash. Therefore I will NOT to put the rolls on the bottom.
For my kids - I will remember that I'm just too old for this nonsense, and will pick up after myself from now on.
For Jon and Kate Goslin - I resolve to just be a parent to my brood and disappear from public life.
For President Obama - I will remember that I freaking WON the election.
For the St. Paul Pioneer Press - I will remember that Mnmom's family have told me 27 times that they get the Mpls Star Tribune and aren't interested in the Pioneer Press and therefore I will quit calling them every 3rd day.
For Oprah Winfrey - If I say I'm retiring I really really will, and will not make several comebacks like Brett Favre.
For the Minnesota Vikings - after losing to the Bears, we will realize that asking Minnesota taxpayers for a new stadium is not a good idea . . . . . at all.
For the GOP - we will comes to terms with Universal Healthcare, and will realize it would be a feather in OUR cap too.
For the Teabagger Party - we will get a life, read some books, and watch the BBC now and then.
For Joseph Cassano - I'll put myself through a wood chipper and save you all the trouble.
For my paper carrier - I will remember that the end of Mnmom's driveway is NOT her front stoop.
For Mnmom's butt - I will not horde fat like some war-starved refugee.
For Tim Pawlenty - I will remember that I'm governor of Minnesota by default, and that I'm just too extreme, snotty and white for words.
Posted by Mnmom