Thursday, December 17, 2009

I'm not really feelin it

I'm kind of blah about Christmas this year, here are my theories.

1. The past two years have been HELL on wheels and we're just cooked. Well I am anyway. I'm just feeling angry and disgusted at the entire banking/real estate world. And listen up Anonymous: don't go spouting that pig manure that we got what we deserved. We never deserved this - never - not in a million years. Not me, not my husband, certainly not my kids. We are prime examples of a family doing everything right and still getting kicked to the curb. It can happen to anyone, including hard-working people. Anyone could be next.

2. I'm not religious, and the more I read the more I realize the story of Jesus's birth was a huge effort by the the Christian authorities to put down pagan and druid solstice celebrations and the squash the divine feminine. Bummer. But I still like the music.

3. Hard to make merry when you're living an 1/4 of a shoestring.

4. I miss my parents. Still. After over 10 years.

5. I'm homesick for my house, and so are my kids.

But some really good things are going on anyway:

1. Our little family is talking and laughing together more in our new little house. Is it the house size or the relief that the move and loss are over?

2. Cupcake likes to bake, and we're doing it all the time.

3. Housework is a snap these days. 1500 sq feet is a lot quicker to wipe up than 2700.

4. Some wonderful things are still the same: my family, my extended family, my friends, my internet friends, etc.

5. My current job is much higher on the fun scale than my old one. The Middle School band played holiday music throughout the lunch hours and the annual staff pot-luck was in the lounge. Great food!!! I like working in a place where outrageous Christmas sweaters and costume jewelry are encouraged.

6. Our school's holiday sale! Our media center has a bookstore called Tattered Pages where the kids can buy donated books with "coupons" they earn through good behavior, good grades, and doing chores from the job jar. At the holidays it expands greatly and includes gifts and new books donated by local merchants. With donated gift paper, we wrap the books for the kids to take home. It's open every school day all this week, and one night, so families and all students can take advantage. The kids love it.


SkylersDad said...

I am not feeling it either, and I have not been through 1/4 of the hell you have.

I wish you happiness and peace.

MommyLisa said...

I have a little anxiety - but I will muddle along.

I love your positives! They rock.

Missy said...

You are a champ and I am proud of your list of positives!

I am with you on the bah humbug. I think my brain is still catching up with my life and my life is still behind, well, the present. Did I tell you my Father had heart troubles? And my Grandpa died and all the other stuff out of my control that will make me a better person in the long run.

I am just tired and want to hide from the world without worry or consequence for a week or so.

I did watch Christmas Vacation and broke out the holiday music though!

I love my friends and family and I love parties and socializing and eating and hunting for the perfect gift, but not right now. I am thinking more like July. Keep an eye out for my Auntie Mame song and dance later in 2010!

LoieJ said...

I'm starting to wonder if I have a tich of depression because I'm not feeling it either. I have some health stuff going on, but that is really minor stuff compared to many people. But something is missing. Sometimes it is a matter of perspective I guess, but the house will be empty of kids and grandkids this Christmas, yet we saw them at T-Day because we knew that it wouldn't work out for Christmas.

Shannon said...

I'm sorry you are not feeling it. I mostly am, but some things get me down (including your situation; it bums me out so much to have a friend going through hard times, and your sweet girls don't deserve the difficulties they've had to go through). I try to focus on the fun things, like Xmas lights and holiday music and sledding with my girls. By the way, how CUTE was your daughter in the newspaper on Wed.?! She is so adorable. :)

Life As I Know It Now said...

I love the "Tattered Pages" bookstore and how the school rewards good behavior with books. Excellent!

This Christmas is not the best I've ever had and I'll sure be glad when it's over. So much hype to live up to, and it sure is fun when you can live up to it, but this year not so much...

Kim Hambric said...

Screw the lines, screw the stress, screw baking a billion nasty fruitcakes. There's nothing more important than being with your family. Hug them and love them -- that's the most important thing about Christmas.

And yes, your family will be closer in a smaller house. All of the well-off families in my neighborhood are moving out for larger digs. Taking their kids to new houses and schools just so mommy and daddy can have more space to entertain. So the kiddies can go play on their own and not infringe on their parents' space. Ooops, getting carried away there.

Cupcakes and kids this Christmas. That's enough.

michaelg said...

I don't feel it either. My lovely Curt loves the holidays and all the hub-bub. Me, I'm generally in the midst of some winter depression and the all the consumerism just wears me out. Bleh. Like you, I try to stay focused on things I'm grateful for.

Churlita said...

I'm sorry things are so hard right now for you guys. I was there for years and years when the girls were younger and I was paying half my full-time job's salary in daycare and half went to rent and my part-time job at a coffee shop had to pay for food and utilities and everything else. I worried every month whether I'd be evicted from our apartment above a bar (the Hilltop). The girls got most of their Christmas presents from my siblings and aunts and Uncles. Things have been getting better and better since then, and I hope they will for you too.

I'm glad you and your family are all healthy and that you get to spend the holiday together. But you should also let yourself be pissed off or sad if you want. I'm sure we've all been there and know how you feel.

Unknown said...

I haven't been through your hell, so I feel my bitching and whining is somehow unworthy, but I hear ya on not feeling it all this year.
I'm trying, for my family, for my sanity, for it all.
I love the thing your school does, what an awesome gift.
Hang in there.........we can manage can do it.