I get annoyed

Generally I like people, except out in public.

Why can't people figure out how to move in public places?

At somewhat crowded malls, or sporting venues, there is a flow. A flow moving into a seating area. A flow moving toward the concessions, a flow going up the stairs. And most decent folks understand the "driving on the right" idea works really well with foot traffic too.

But there's always those people who will stop right at the top of the stairs to scope out their next move. Or they'll stop ALL flow to talk to their kids. Please people, as on the highway, move over to the shoulder to take care of business. Or next time I'm going to plow into you full speed and knock your Mt. Dew out of your hand. And everyone behind me will applaud.

And some common folks just need a slap on the head.

At sporting events, like my daughter's volleyball tournament last weekend, there are precious few seats to watch the action. Generally most reasonable adults at these things understand this, and as soon as their darling's game is over, they vacate those places and let the next bunch of trapped parents in. And the exchange goes on. We're all in this together.

Last weekend a group of parents, and their kids, immediately grabbed the entire section, chairs and all, and plopped down all their gear, their coolers, their coats, their blankets, etc. Even though 4 other teams were playing and spectating on the same court. No one else had a chance. Most of us were left standing. At one point I'd had enough, and I moved their gear and gave myself a seat while my daughter played. If I made them mad, GOOD. It was a local team, but I won't say the town's name except that it rhymes with Chutchinson.

And I can talk in a catty way about hair for a minute?

Hey, other Mom's, remember when we were kids in the 60's and 70's and we laughed at all those weird old women still wearing beehive hairdos? Well, you and your bleached poodle perms and mall bangs have become those weird old women that kids laugh at. Your "do" may have been bitchin' in 1983 but it's well past its prime. You're probably a reasonably good looking 40-something woman under all that mess. So honey, get a good cut & color and lay off the tanning.

But could you please get out of my way, and move your tie-edged polar fleece Packers blanket so I can watch my kid play?

Thank you.

I'm an old biddy

Ever wanted to slap someone because they just plain old irritated you? Oh, who am I kidding, I feel like this at least once a week.

We traveled 4 hours from home for Twin #2's soccer tournament. All in all, a good weekend. I enjoy the other parents, and the girls played well.

The standard low-end hotel where we stayed was packed to the ceilings with other soccer teams, baseball teams, and some wrestlers. Every single high school sport in the midwest must have been having tournaments. I was worried how this would play out at the free breakfast area, which was about the size of my laundry room.

First off, I HATE the free breakfasts at hotels. OK, yes they are "free", but not really or they wouldn't charge me $95 per night. Did I mention I'm trailer trash and $95 is a lot of moola to me? Anyway, for trailer trash I've managed to become rather snobbish about food and coffee. And dishes - I just ABHOR styrofoam, coffee mate, gross mini cupcakes, and those infernal malted waffle machines. I found the image above by typing "crappy hotel breakfast" in an image search. And we didn't get fresh fruit.

And as predicted, the room was completely packed with all the other tired athletic parents and their creepy kids. This included several Dad's in barefeet - BARE FEET I tell you! And pjs, and sloppy t-shirts, and bed head. Doesn't the word PUBLIC mean anything anymore? And all the over-pleasing Moms still wearing their mall bangs and perms from the 80's waiting hand and foot on junior Mr. Baseball because he can't possibly get his own milk from a milk machine.

But one kid was ripe for a slapping. He looked to be about 16 and stood up, shirtless, stuffing his mouth with donuts, and going on and on about something boring but every other word from his big mouth was "a$$hole" or "#hit". Shirtless, yelling, and swearing in a small room full of families and little kids. The adults around him were just smiling and tolerating his rude ass.

I was so ready to walk over, shake my old lady finger at him, and tell him his behavior was disgraceful, and that he needs to put on a shirt and watch his language in public. I typed "ugly shirtless teenage boy" in an image search, but nothing conveyed the horror of this overgrown kid.

AND the coffee was horrible.

So tell me, should I have opened a can of old-biddy whoop ass on him??

An open letter to annoying people

Dear Annoying People,

You certainly were a busy bunch today! Did someone raise your quota? Or did you just see me coming and get your freak RIGHT on?

To the woman who made my iced mocha. I should be able to actually TASTE the coffee and the chocolate in there. It should not taste like sweetened skim milk over ice. And to the woman who rang it up, it's considered unseemly to pick your nose in public.

To the orthopedic patients sitting next to me in the coffee house. I don't often get a chance to sit silently in a coffee shop with my book for an hour of solitary reading with a good cup of joe. As you can see above, the cup of joe part was totally destroyed by one of your cousins. Then you two launched into a detailed discussion of your recent surgeries, complete with scar descriptions and leaving no nauseating detail left to the imagination. But somehow you failed to notice the people around you trying to eat lunch.

To Caribou Coffee, where I moved hoping for a better cup of coffee and some quiet. Would it kill you to have some attractive and tasty baked goods on hand? Every time I'm there it's that same crusty oat bran muffin. And why would you block open the back door on a dreary wet 40 degree day? It felt like a meat locker in there.

And to the young couple at last night's school orchestra concert. Letting your toddlers stamp around and play loudly during the performance was distracting and just plain rude. Get a sitter!

Lucky for you people, some really great folks crossed my path lately too. Otherwise I would have gone all postal and stabbed you with my car keys. But I'm a pacifist and refrained, allowing you to live on and annoy again another day. And I'm sure you won't disappoint.

With much annoyance,
Mnmom