1. How many times can I pass gas at my desk before coworkers start to really notice?
2. How come I think I'm a complete babe, when photos tell a much different story?
3. How come women's magazine stories on your sex life never picture actual women, but rather svelte 18 year olds with boring hair and skinny arms staring lovingly into the eyes of an equally skinny body-hair-less 20 year old male model? Those people don't exist in my world.
4. Chin hairs, WTF??
5. If I always tend to use the 2nd or 3rd stall into a public restroom, then probably everybody else does too. I should use the first stall. It's probably seen fewer butts.
14 comments:
Ahhh, the questions so many were afraid to ask!! As for the first poser...fart away, blame it on someone else. We don't even want to discuss chin hairs...they keep coming back dammit.
and what about mole hair? that's annoying too!
#1. Oh, honey. They already notice and have started talking about Margaret the gassy chick that works in the office. Light a match.
#2. You are a babe. Shush.
#5. I always use the handicapped stall. It is wider, the toilet seat is higher and it is just fun to break the rules a little.
Oh they notice your farts. They don't say anything but they laugh about it in private and at home. "Hey hon, that crazy farting lady struck again at work. It was funny until I caught a whiff of her noxious gasses."
Ha! Yeah, WTF chin hairs!?!?! I have very blonde, basically transparent facial hair, so sometimes I will fine one that is like 1.5 inches long!
Once a co-worker made a very, very awkward apology for passing gas in my cube....but I had not smelt it or heard it. I did not have the heart to tell her. She was so embarrassed and clearly had to work up the courage to apologize (which was unnecessary even if I HAD smelt it.)
Everybody farts!
And you are a babe!
girl you just made me pee on myself bout the chin hair comment! and i'm with you--i think i'm a babe and can still wear cropped sweaters and low rise jeans--until i look in the mirror--turn to the side in the mirror actually--and see that carmel colored tire around my stomach. i don't remember eating it--but there it sits--in my mid-section for all to see--must have been sleep walking!
Being a babe is all about attitude. That's what I love about getting older. When I was in my 20's, I thought I was hideous, but I probably was kind of a babe. Now that I'm not any more, I think I am, and even if I'm not, I could give a sh@$. And I get hit on more now by younger guys than I ever did in my 20's.
I've been testing #5 lately to see if it's true. So far the results have been positive.
Hmmm, I have the same question about why photos of me never look nearly as good as I think I actually am. Bummer!
I laughed so hard through this. Churlita is right. Babe is a state of mind, not what the scale says or what the picture says (the camera adds lbs, right?)
I do the same thing with bathroom stalls. I wonder if there's more toilet paper in the first stall, as a result of it being skipped all the time.
i had a friend in high school who constantly told me, "public bathrooms gross me out!"
i had never thought of them that way before--they were just a necessity of life.
but now, 30 years later, i am beginning to understand... and i can't get her voice out of my head, every time i walk in the door....
Start reading More. Their sex article women are actually women, and if you're lucky they'll even have articles about chin hair and the gas plague of the aging digestive system. Not to mention how to wear trendy fashions and not look like a desperate loser who refuses to age gracefully. The first time I bought it I felt like I was one step closer to Depends, but now I am completely sold.
If I see someone coming out of a stall, I'm nervous about sitting on the toilet cause I know someone else has just been there.
Weird neurosis.
We don't even want to discuss chin hairs..
___________________
Julie
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