Monday, November 24, 2008

Men are Pigs, like we need proof

Men are pigs.

I learned another shocking atrocity about the male gender today over at Coaster Punchman's Five Things I Hate. I learned that men moan and groan and make actual statements while they poo in public bathroom stalls!!

Men, this does NOT happen in the ladies room!

Women need everyone to think that only strawberry ice cream comes out of our bodies. Women will hold back a virtual tsumani of excrement if anyone else is in the restroom. We will sit with clenched cheeks while veins pop out of our foreheads waiting for the other bathroom user to flush. THEN we will expel as much as possible while the flushing is at it's peak. After the flushing has subsided, we will clench again until that horrible other woman turns on the hand dryer. Once she leaves, we are home free. Unless another rude patron enters, then the whole circus starts again.

We also stay locked away, anonymously, in the stall until the other women have left. This leaves the mystery of the actual poo bomber intact, because no woman wants to be identified as the thunder cheeks who must have had an extra large bean burrito for lunch. We will NOT exit the stall until the restroom is clear, thereby leaving our ego intact. Even if you KNOW who's in there, you let the mystery continue. "Poo? No, no, no one poos in here!" Actually we don't even talk about it. We just hold our heads high.

Men are pigs

15 comments:

Beth said...

Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Butt off... That is the best description I have heard yet...you have it done to a science! thanks for the laugh!

Missy said...

Ew!

michaelg said...

That explains a lot.

themom said...

I couldn't have said it better myself...but I worry that they make a mental photo of my shoes to nab me later...possibly over the store intercom!!!

Christopher Tassava said...

MUCH more than I needed to know, but thanks.

On a related note: I want to identify and publicly shame the person who, last Friday, left an extremely disgusting, ratty, gray-and-yellow (but once white) washcloth on the urinal in the men's room I use at work. VILE.

Shan said...

I am laughing SO HARD....

Dr.John said...

That was helpful since I have never been in the woman's bathroom ( well once but that was a horrible mistake).

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

That is sick. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Let the poo fall where it may.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

That is sick. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Let the poo fall where it may.

DCup said...

I laughed until I cried. Moving into a dorm where there was a communal bathroom took me to new heights for concealment.

Nothing like waiting until 2am to have a sit down and read.

FranIAm said...

As if anything other than strawberry ice cream cones comes out! Oh you!!

Anita said...

Oh my............it's sad but so true!

Sheleta said...

Girl you ain't NEVA (never) lied! If I gotta "go" in a public restroom, I do everything except change shoes so nobody will know it's me. And I'm quieter than a church mouse when I'm in there. If I gotta "grunt" even that is silent. I think I even stop breathing. And if other women comes in, I'll stay in there all damn day long until they leave!

tshsmom said...

Don't give away all of our secrets!

Julie said...

Men are Pigs, like we need proof
___________________
Julie
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