Ever been sliding along on a nice day, your hair's done right, your makeup is on, you're wearing a color you know makes your eyes pop, and to top it all off SANDALS! You're a hot mama and you know it!
Then, you catch a glimpse in a window.
Who is that fat middle aged woman, and why does she have a 20 lb bag of dog food stuffed down the front of her pants? And is that her butt or is she pulling a float?
Oh moan I used to be cute - curvy and sexy and not too bad really. When did I become the fat mom? I've been denying my age and clothing size for a long time now, and let me tell you I can wring the bejeesus out of some good denial! My babies are 16 now, but I'm still 27. All those major league baseball players in their tight pants are OLDER than me, right? Or at most I'd be their slightly older girlfriend, right?
And who ordered up all these moles and chin hairs? And creaky knees? And my EYES are actually fading! They used to be dark green and now they are blue. And they have these wispy floaters hanging around in there when my eyes know full well they are too young for this shit. At least my monovision contacts keep me from the continued horror of reading glasses.
At least I can cook, so I'm of some use.
12 comments:
OMG...I feel like that too!
Boo for our bodies not matching our "hot selves" in our brains. Those bodies better get with the program.
Oh Margaret, I'm constantly shocked when I see my sagging chin/neck in pictures, and what is that below my breast, a huge spare tire........dear lord when did my body start sagging so badly!?
It's not easy, but I'm with you, I can still cook, and Kevin still snuggles up to me at night, so I guess it's all good!
I hear you! When did that damn roll appear around my waist!?
I've spent my whole life with a flat butt. And yet, it sags. How can that be?!?
Unfortunately, I can't boil water. I need to find another use for my middle-aged self then.
The chin hairs and eye problems drive me crazy. My chin hairs, I have at least 5, are gray on top of everything else so sometimes I don't even SEE them to pluck them out. I plucked out one the other day that was at least an inch long. I wondered how many people could see it and why no one told me!!!!
I was walking around a store yesterday, and a salesman asked if he could get anything for me. I told him, yes, get me the eyes I had twenty years ago. I didn't mean to say it, I just blurted it out after staring at all the fuzzy things on the shelves.
I gave in and joined AARP.
Ugh, I can only imagine how my 40s are going to feel since now at age 39 my whole body seems to be falling apart simultaneously. Seriously, I have had more random physical problems this spring than I have had in the last five years combined! My theory is that parenthood ages you dramatically. Each year of parenting a young child is like dog years--equal to 7 regular years, at least. I'm serious!
I call it AS disease: Aging Sucks.
Yeah, well have that dry eye problem, so I can't even wear contacts. Old people reading glasses? Awesome!...Or not.
I'm so glad to see chin hairs being openly discussed as though it were normal to get them! I carry a tweezers with me at all times- never know when a glance in the rear view mirror will give me a glimpse of one gleaming in the sunlight! And I think they grow like an inch overnight so that one Liberality had was most likely a new one.
girl you had me about to pee on myself with the "20 pound bag of dog food" comment. i hear you. shawn and i went out last week and girl i thought i was hot stuff. i passed by a mirror and it looked like i had a spare tire round my stomach. i was way too shame. should have chosen a more "forgiving" outfit.
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