Screaming into the Wind

Do you ever feel like you're screaming and no one is listening?

This is what I thought all along. Paul Krugman of the NY Times echos my sentiments.


All reasonable people, who can add 2+2 and read a newspaper every now and then can clearly see that major banks, financial institutions, and business "leaders" don't have a flipping clue. They think this recession is just a "natural cycle of the economy". Along with years of stupid short-sighted greedy deregulation, those who run our financial institutions have been fiddling while Rome burned.


So I'm standing here, a piddling nothing in the grand scheme, screaming FOUL and no one hears. I'm pounding on the gates of the castle demanding my taxes back, while the Kings and Princes are anointing themselves with expensive oils and staging drunken orgies on my dime. My children grow hungry while theirs grow fat and lazy.


And who will DO anything about this? The Democrats? The Republicans? They are all chained to the Jabba the Hut of banks and corporate interest. Religious Leaders? They are too busy growing rich and playing politics.

Will the human condition of the haves and have-nots ever change?

What are we to do?

Between the trapeze bars

I'm between the trapeze bars . . . .
That's a phrase my sister uses about these stages of life when you've let go, or been pushed, from a position of comfort and you're hanging there, just hanging there, not knowing if you'll grab the next bar, fall into the net, or crash into the hard earth.

Waiting for the economy to turn
Waiting for a rental decision
Waiting for the water to boil
Waiting for the heartburn medication to kick in
Waiting for Johnny C to get out of the shower
Waiting for the cats to come in for the night
Waiting for either twin to call and say it's time to pick them up
Waiting for the dryer to finish
Waiting for the tide to come in
Waiting for health care reform
Waiting for some good news
Waiting for Michael to give me the disc he burned of "Glee", and to see his Europe pictures
Waiting for the next Netflix to arrive
Waiting for payday
Waiting for the kids to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher
Waiting for a break

Goodbye Woody

In 1997, we moved to Northfield, MN and started building our home. We based the design on a 1969 split level we owned in Iowa City. We liked everything but the split, so we took that out. Construction began immediately in the Fall while our little family of four - Mom, Dad, and three year old twin girls - lived in the smallest apartment imaginable. With Johnny C as General Contractor, everything was in good hands.

The little girls and I would visit the rapidly progressing home almost every day. They named it "Woody" for obvious reasons. Johnny C and I had built so many spec and custom homes over the years, we knew exactly what we wanted. Our budget drove a lot of those decisions as well.


In every possible corner, we stuck a closet or a cupboard. We fashioned a great laundry chute from the girls' bathroom. We arranged the best-ever mud room. We added a cozy wood fireplace that was easily accessed and visible from both the dining room and the living room. And of course we added our favorite - a large screened porch.


Several years later, we finished the basement into a family room and a large bedroom with bathroom. The twins intended to move down there someday but for many years it was the bunkhouse for all our visiting friends and family. In the family room, we were trying to imitate the wild Italian decor at Buca de Beppo.

Johnny C. built the best-ever shed/playhouse. It was a beautiful design with a small playhouse with it's one door and windows, and little porch, some shelves and tables, and the highlight: a "fireplace" made from brick painted paneling and a real mantel. We spray painted the firebox with chalkboard paint so the kids could "draw in" the fire. And about that time we welcomed daughter #3.


The landscaping was a labor of love. Our trees, lilac bushes, perennials, bushes, etc are just getting to the lush and lovely stage. This year's raised bed gardens were the perfect addition.

So now, we have to leave it all behind. It will be someone else's for a song. We'll lose not only 12 year's worth of equity, but all our hard work and plans. My Mom's flowers. My beloved lilacs. The campfire pit. Aunt Ruth's garden. The screened porch.

I'm hoping the Universe or God has a cozy place we can regroup and lick our wounds. Where we can be a safe little family and the kids suffer the least disruption. Where we can have a campfire in the yard. Where we can gather at the kitchen table with loved ones and laugh.

Maslow can kiss my behind

The very bottom of Maslow's hierarchy is really no place for a woman my age with three kids to support and a houseful of furniture and dishes. I don't know if I'll ever see the top.

We're still searching for new housing. Since we put up our beloved home for a short sale, there has been a flurry of activity, as in showings every day. Last summer, our house was worth $359G's. Now it's listed for $175G's. The fact that the bank will take that kind of money in a short sale, but wouldn't renegotiate to our proposed $225G's is leaving me more than just a little bitter. Yes, bitter and angry.

But I must remain positive and focused. Here are the choices left to us now:

1. A wonderful fixer-upper with great bones and a double lot. An investor friend will buy it and rent to us for a year, then we'll pay off with a loan. We are still searching for an investor to put up the $ needed for renovation. If you know one, send them my way! This place is great and I know I'd love living there.

2. A small, and I mean small, townhome to rent. It needs nothing - move in ready - but small. But our kids can ride the bus to and from school, and everything else is a bike ride away. AND it's just doors down from two of my best blogging and real-life pals.

3. A large townhome to rent that needs work, but the owner wants us to do work in lieu of some rent which is a GREAT deal. But it's quite far away from everything we do. AND the school wouldn't bus my kids from there.

Wonder if Maslow had these kinds of problems?

UPDATE: Option #2 was just rented to someone else

Gov. Pawlenty, would you like to buy our school supplies?

Dear Governor Pawlenty and your GOP friends,

Please quit stating that you've balanced any kind of Minnesota state budget without raising taxes. This is a complete lie and you know it. All you have done is shifted the cost of education and public services to the small business people and the homeowners. On top of that, you've committed the unthinkable by tossing hundreds of folks off state-funded health care. What you've done is placed any spending "cuts" on the backs of the lower middle class and the poor, whether they be your supporters or not. Our property taxes have steadily climbed just to keep our schools from completely hemorrhaging. We have ratios of 35:1 in some classrooms, even with levy after levy.

Strangely however, you raised taxes with lightning speed on voters in Hennepin County when the Twins franchise wanted a new baseball stadium. So this "no taxes" pledge seems quite flexible and arbitrary.

Here is one shining example of increased cost to the little guy: our school supply lists. Please take this under consideration. And the list below doesn't cover our two High School students!

For a 4th grade student, the required supplies are:
4 spiral notebooks
1 large eraser
3 pocket folders
1 composition notebook
1 three-ring binder
Clean gym sneakers (nope, the sneakers they wear everyday won't cut it)
Scissors (you read that right - the school no longer supplies scissors)
Ruler
Calculator (the kids in our school must all have the same multi-function calculator at $15 apiece)
Facial tissues (again, you read correctly!! Schools can no longer afford kleenex! The families must supply the classrooms)
School glue
1 box of colored pencils
Pens
8 black felt tip pens (these are for the teachers! The school no longer supplies our teachers with adequate office supplies)
Highlighters
Post-it notes (again, for the teachers)
Markers
4 glue sticks (these last about 4 months, then we buy more)
4 Odorless dry erase markers
Pencils
A large supply box
Antibacterial wipes (nope, the school doesn't supply these)
Hand sanitizer (to share with the classroom)
Ziploc bags

Also, our teachers are buying quite of bit of their supplies from their own pockets!! Our PTO encourages families to review a Teacher Holiday Wish List rather than the usual holiday gifts for instructors. These wishes include reams of construction paper, glue, tape, pens, gifts cards, books, and more kleenex. Why should the taxpaying families have to provide these basics?

So stop working only for the advancement of your party, and start working for the people of Minnesota. The majority of us have no clout and no power, but you have sworn to serve us and need I remind you that we pay your salary and provide you a house? Get some real work done.

ADDENDUM: I've been thinking about this all day. I propose we ask our legislators to provide their own health care coverage, pens, kleenex, copy paper, tape, etc. and that they be fed EXACTLY what most school kids are receiving in their hot lunch program. Also, that their computer equipment only be upgraded as often as the poorest school in their district.

Harmful and Boring

Geez-a-loo I love Google Image Searches! Just type in some random work like "boring" and see what pops up. It's like a playground, I'm tellin ya!

This one was titled "harmful and boring" - that about sums up my life right now. An extreme state of stress over housing and finances juxtapositioned beside the ever-present laundry, dishes, and family duties.

By day I appear as mild-mannered Mnmom, going about my routine with a smile and a dust rag. Pumping gas in the car, marinating the chicken, running reports at work.

But by night I'm become SUPER-ANXIETY-BROAD! Able to skip entire hours of sleep while staring at the ceiling shouldering wave after wave of panic! Watch her grapple with the dark demons of stress and worry in the cloak of night! See her sidekick JOHNNY C do exactly the same while working endless hours by day! How long can they last before their super powers are eradicated? How will they resist the call of the dark forces??

Stay Tuned!

Yep, I'm still here

Yes, I'm still here. Busy finding a place to live come late Fall. Busy being stressed and sleep deprived. Busy with kids and laundry, oh you get the picture!

My Theme Song
I'm still here, by John Hartford

Now trains are runnin' towards each other
Shotguns are pointed at my head
Tornado clouds are formin' at the crossroads
H-Bombs are fallin' towards my bed

But I'm still here
I'm still here, and how 'bout that?
My city may be fallen, but I'm still here.

Assassination squad has got their orders
Repossession man is on his way
Landlady's givin' me her notice
I'll be pitched out with trash now any day

But I'm still here
I'm still here, and how 'bout that?
I may have lost my lunch box, but I'm still here.

It's hard to wait

I've been wringing every last shred of patience and wisdom from my body. I'm down to a cellular level now, and supplies are running thin. I was such a trooper when my folks died, then when I had breast cancer, but I'm really running low on trooper juice. Maybe if I search the net I can find a supplier.

My intuition and experience tell me to wait, be patient, "change the things I can; accept the things I cannot change: and hope I have the wisdom to know the difference". One of my favorite books The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran speaks of watching the seasons of our life and being content with grief and sadness, much like we would accept the snow on our fields.

Well, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah today I just plain feel angry, tired, and discouraged. Life right now is NOT how we planned it. I would just go to bed, but I know that I'll wake up at some ungodly hour in a state of panic, drenched in sweat, and fighting those horrid demons that interrupt rest with needless worry and overactive brain stimuli. But that's why the sun rises each morning, isn't it? To bring yet another day filled with chance, risk, opportunity, and miracles. Ok, I'll take the risk.


Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

Programs? What Programs?!

My sister called this morning, "MPR is doing a show right now about about foreclosure and what programs are out there for homeowners. You need to call in and tell them the truth!"

So I did. Here's the truth.

There are NO PROGRAMS for homeowners in foreclosure.

Anybody who tells you that is just blowing the proverbial smoke up you-know-where. All that exists are refinance opportunities, which you only qualify for if you 1. Aren't currently in foreclosure or bankruptcy, 2. Have proof of steady adequate income and 3. Are current on your mortgage. In other words, you qualify for refinance if you aren't currently in any financial trouble.

Believe me on this one. I've done my homework. I've called them all.

Yes, the Obama plan may help but it's currently in committee and won't become law anytime soon - I know because I have been in constant contact with my Senator's office. The only thing anyone can do right now is to consistently pester their reps into hurrying this plan along. But for us and millions of others who had a mortgage they COULD afford until they lost jobs, it will probably be too late.

How did they answer me? By basically agreeing that yes, I was in foreclosure, and perhaps I should call one of the housing programs (see above). It's a wonder how some yahoos STAY employed.

Insult to injury

As if being broke and busted weren't enough, someone has stolen my teens' bikes!! Right out of our yard or shed. In the summer/fall we keep them parked behind a section of our backyard fence that isn't visible from the street OR they are locked in the garage. In the late fall, we move them to the unlocked storage shed in the far back end of our property. But this spring, they were missing. Both of them. My first thought was that the girls had left them at someone's house, but after multiple texting, phone calls and emails, they haven't shown up. And the fact that they are BOTH gone makes me consider theft. I've reported it to the Police Dept but nothing like them has turned up.


The first one is a grass green TREK much like this. I had bought it with the little bitty inheritance I received when my folks died. It has a great gel seat and a pop-off bag in the front.





The second is a Schwinn, much like the one pictured, only purple.











As if I have the money to replace these now!!! I've placed an ad at Carleton college looking for students who need to leave their bikes in town for the summer, and would they mind letting my girls use them? I'm just sick about this: those bikes are the only mode of transportation for my kids.

We're feeling more than a little picked-on here at the Mnmom household. What's next? Sewer back up? A plague of locusts? A meteor crashing into the paid-for van? Does anyone know the name of a good shaman who can come over here, burn some sage, and get rid of the evil demons stalking my family?

Seriously, enough already!!!

Really?

NEW YORK — Saying he was "deeply sorry and ashamed," Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty Thursday to pulling off perhaps the biggest swindle in Wall Street history and was immediately led off to jail in handcuffs to the delight of his seething victims.

Are you Bernie? Are you really deeply sorry and ashamed of what you've done? Or are you just deeply sorry you got caught? Something tells me if you hadn't been fingered, you'd still be running that Ponzi scheme for all it's worth while bathing in champagne and dining on truffles.

When bad companies get worse

Circuit City deserves to go bankrupt!

It's all over the news the Circuit City is going belly up and putting 30,000 Americans out of work. They are advertising great savings during this financial crisis. Hubby needs a laptop and a new phone, so we drove over last night to check out the fire sale. They are failing, so ready to unload all that merchandise and close up shop, right?

WRONG! Their big idea of savings was 10% off!! I kid you not, 10%! And that was off an already high price. Their kids DVDs were priced at $22! For a DVD I could get at Target for $10. Everything else was just the same. Crap I could get at Target for quite a bit less. And without a return policy because next week they won't be there. So I say good riddance, and I hope they paid their unemployment insurance premiums.

Broke-Ass Supper

Supper at our house has become "we're broke and you'll just eat what I give you". Kind of like the meals I had growing up, which never hurt anyone. Well, except maybe that liver-n-onions incident but we won't go there.

Before the job loss, I would grocery shop without much thought. We weren't buying filet mignon and caviar mind you. But I planned menus based on what was going on that week, what did I feel like making, what sounded good, what were the kids craving, etc. Sure we used coupons, I'm not an idiot, but not much consideration beyond that.

Now? Well we haven't bought deli meat since August 2007. We only buy regular meat if we have a BOGO coupon. We now eat lots of potatoes, pasta, and beans. And I just found out there's an ALDI about 20 miles away, so we'll be making a pilgrimage soon. Let's say I'm getting a really, really good lesson in frugality. My Grandpa Ginny always said "you pay for your education one way or another".

Yesterday I made this big pot of bean soup with stew meat - it was absolutely delicious! And beside it is my homemade chocolate cake. I'll share recipes with anyone who leaves a request in the comments.

Didn't they read or watch A Christmas Carol?

This Christmas has really driven home the gap between the haves and the have-nots. In years past I could just ignore all those insane gift commercials. Now I'm noticing that even Menards is in on the creepy act - Menards is the midwest equivalent of Lowes and Home Depot, but with an even stronger working class feel. Last night they were advertising $400 power tools and $700 tool chests as great Christmas gifts!

I'm also thinking about the lessons inherent in A Christmas Carol by Dickens. How wonderfully sweet of the big 3 automaker CEO's to take a $1 a year salary as part of a bail out. This seems like a sacrifice until you learn that they make upwards of $22 million a year!

Why aren't they being fired??!! For $22 million a year I'd expect just a wee bit of success, wouldn't you? And honestly, how much harder do they work to earn those millions every year?

The President of the academically elite liberal arts college where I work makes just over $500G's a year. That was recently published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune so I'm not telling tales out of school. This institution has never had lay offs. Their endowment is healthy. Their students are successful. The institution grows every year. This man flys all over the country and the world, commercial I might add, to further the purposes of the college. He works just as many long hard hours as a major CEO.

The President of the University of Minnesota makes just over $700G's. That's a Big Ten teaching, medical, and R&D facility with over 40,572 undergraduate students, 25,527 graduate, professional, and other students, 4,088 full-time faculty, and $619.2 million in sponsored research awards. He governs not only the large metro Twin Cities campus but four coordinate campuses in outstate.

I say if a large corporation fails, and is looking for a taxpayer hand out, you fire the whole lot and replace them with hard working Americans willing to accept a more reasonable salary. I'm sick and tired of the rich Ebenezer Scrooge's hoarding everything.

Addendum - little sister is right. Hear what Michael Moore has to say. Exactly!

Christmas thoughts to focus on

Our youngest child's elementary school just sent their online December newsletter. In it was this poem from a 3rd grader:
Christmas Time is a time of joy, happy faces, and fun! Gifts and Santa on his way, turkey and a hot fire. People watching Christmas movies. Kids shouting and playing in the snow. Christmas time is great!!

My husband and I will be filing bankruptcy this month, and losing our beloved home, and I mean beloved. To say our egos and morale are in the toilet is putting it mildy. But this poem reminds what Christmas and happiness AREN'T.

Never has a child said that Christmas is:
TWO sports cars in the driveway
That shiny new Cadillac
A giant expensive house
Christmas decorations that are WAY better than the neighbors
A skinny beautiful Mom who wears the latest clothes and the perfect makeup
Getting all that crap advertised on TV
A diamond necklace from Kay's or Jarrod
Ferrero Rocher candy

WHY?

I've got some nagging questions about the current economy.

1. If we declare bankruptcy, or go into foreclosure, the bank will then own a house they can't sell. Our home is currently valued at $359K (that's another story!) but we had it on the market for 6 months and had only 2 showings. A house two doors down in foreclosure has gone from $350K to $170K and still won't sell. So if our bank will be stuck with a house they can only sell for peanuts, why not just renegotiate with us for those peanuts and let us stay in our home? What's the difference? Either way it's the same $ loss for them.

2. Have you been watching the CSPAN coverage of the big three auto makers asking for taxpayer bailouts? All three men flew to DC in private jets, and only one (Chrysler) is willing to consider a CEO paycut and flying commercial. What's wrong with this picture?

A Happy Migraine

Geez-a-loo I hate to post an image like this when we're all still having OBAMAPHORIA!!

I've had a killer migraine ever since election night. Too many emotions, not enough water, not enough sleep, too much crying, too much laughing. Too much trying to control my car on I-35 while also wanting to honk and wave at everyone I see, and while tearing up over yet another giddy American being interviewed on NPR.

Did anyone else cry when hearing that villagers in Kenya paraded to the grave of Barack Obama Sr. and sang "you have sired a King"?

On election day, during a break between door knocking for Obama, we saw a lawyer who will probably be helping us file Chapter 7 bankruptcy. How's that for yet another emotion-laden experience? I think it may be time to start that career as a drug-addicted alcoholic that I've been putting off for so long.

Jobs I want to have

1. I want to be the actor in the infomercials that makes common household chores look like a week in a Turkish prison. I want to look all exasperated and blow my bangs off my forehead because these DISHES are just TOO HARD TO WASH BY HAND and therefore I MUST BUY the new DishieWashieGenieWizard! Then I will be immediately whisked off to a wonderland where my kitchen is clean, I have granite countertops, and my acne is gone.

2. I want to be the CEO of a major bank or corporation, run it straight into the ground in a blaze of destructive fire, then walk away with millions in bonus money.

3. I want to be paid by the government to NOT farm land.

Yep, that's what I want.

Thoughts on the Mall of America

This past Saturday I took my twin teens and their friends to MOA - that's how we locals refer to the Mall of America. Here are some random thoughts . . . .

1. If you ever have a desire to travel to the Twins Cities to see the Mall of America, I'll save you the trouble. Go to your local mall at 1pm on Christmas Eve and walk by every single store 17 times. Now go to your local county fair and walk the midway another 17 times. There! You've just done the Mall of America.

Instead, travel to the Twin Cities and come to my house - I'll make lasagna.

2. Thoughts upon entering the QVC store: "What the Hell am I doing in here?!?!? I hate this crap!! What's the matter with me?!??!"

3. Thoughts upon entering the Barnes and Noble "OK, getting better"

4. Thoughts on finding an empty table at the back of the Starbucks in said Barnes and Noble with my library book in tow "This is the ONLY way to do the MOA".

5. This year, I gave the teens a set amount of cash for school shopping and told them there would be NO MORE CLOTHING MONEY until deep winter and to fly away to those horrible teen stores with their loud music and leave Mommy in peace. Worked beautifully.

6. I saw many, many struggling toddlers having fits in strollers. Usually I sympathize with these parents, but who in their right mind would take a toddler to the MOA? Those parents should just stay home and hit each other in the foreheads with a hammer and leave the poor baby out of it. Honestly, get a sitter!!

7. Twins and I had a lovely lunch together while they showed me their quite sensible clothing choices. Heaven comes in very small packages sometimes.