Friday, March 21, 2008

One good paying job


We're having big money trouble here, and my current part time job isn't exactly raking in the dough. But our kids still need a parent around after school and on weekends so they don't start doing heroin like every other kid in Northfield. (read the link, it's good, and no the kids in Northfield aren't on heroin!).

Anyway, I need a lucrative job that will allow me to be around when the kids are home but still cover all the bills. So I'm considering becoming a phone sex operator. I've got a lower register husky voice and I know lots of dirty words. But still I wonder . . . .

Hello?

Hey, I want some phone sex.

Hmmmm, ok, what are you wearing?

Nothing, I'm just sitting here talking to you.

WHAT? Are you sitting on the good furniture in your all-together? Don't you have any sense? Go get a towel or something!

Huh????

Never mind, so where were we? Oh yeah, you want to talk dirty to me?

Yeah, baby. Are you a hot b*&%h?

WHAT?? We do NOT use that word in my house!!! That is a woman-hating word and I won't stand for it, am I clear young man???

Hey! I'm not paying to hear my Mom! I just want some phone sex!

Right, sorry, so what do you want to hear?

Some moaning

Moooooaaaaaan! MOOOOOOAAAAAAANN! URGGGHHHH! ARGGHGHHHHG

Oh yeah that's good

No! It's not!! I just stubbed my toe on the vacuum cleaner. I told my husband a thousand times to put it away but NOOOO!

This is NOT going to get me off!

Isn't that just like a man? Everything has to be about YOUR PENIS doesn't it?

That's it! I'm hanging up!

Good! Now go do something useful like the laundry, and pick up your own dirty socks from now on. Moron!

6 comments:

kirelimel said...

Well...I would love to offer my firm support of your decision but...

Are you crafty? you can always try to make and peddle crafts to local gift stores. Maybe vacuum lint stuffed pillows or fancy barrettes!

Home daycare is always an option. Or selling Scrapbook stuff, wonder where you could learn all about that?!

michaelg said...

Back in my 20's, my friend TL did phone sex to supplement her income working in the social services. She used to take calls while we played Donkey Kong on her Nintendo. I once saw her force hairball medicine down her cat's throat while moaning for some lonely guy. If the callers only knew what was going on they would be horrified. The money was good, but ultimately the work wasn't very satisfying (for her) and she couldn't put it on her resume.

Christopher Tassava said...

Actually LOL post.

I think you should go the anti-winter Easter outfit route first. Though perhaps there are some guys who would go for your kinda kinkiness.

On the other hand, Carleton is almost always hiring, and there are usually quite a few part-time jobs on offer... Literate people are usually preferred. (I'm including you in this group.)

Cheesecake Maven said...

FUNNY!!!!!! Started my day with a good laugh!

Love ya!
Hang in there!

Mnmom said...

Christopher - I'm actually applying for a job at Carleton today - in the Math and Computer Science dept. Hope I'm literate enough!!

Missy said...

"Are you sitting on the good furniture in your all-together?"

Best thing I read all day!

I am sure there is a market for that kind of phone sex in this fascinating world of ours!!