A Winter Memory

Found this in my documents - an essay I'd written in January 2001, before blogging, even THEN I was talking.

We have a snow day. Six to nine inches of snow is predicted. It’s likely freezing rain will come on it's heels and compact the snow back into the rock-hard, dangerous mass of immovable frustration that it was until just yesterday. Yesterday my trusty ice chopper and I finally removed the last stubborn strip of the stuff from the driveway and porch. It's become my hobby. If there were a USA Olympic Driveway Ice Removal team, I would be the captain and be on a Wheaties box.

The local radio station announced at 6:30am that school was called off. In what can only be described as a complete lapse of mental functioning, I thought "won't that be fun to have the kids home for a snow day!" I bounded happily into their room to tell them. They leaped joyously out of their beds, hugged me, hugged each other, hugged the baby, hugged the dog. We don’t have a dog, which demonstrates their level of elation. I cheerfully skipped downstairs to make a yummy breakfast of eggs, toast, and bacon while popping some pumpkin bread in the oven.

Then everything went straight downhill.

While making eggs & pumpkin bread I thought "I'll bet our toddler would enjoy squeezing all these egg shells". She enjoyed it immensely. I soon discovered that just enough egg white remains on the shell, sticks to the floor, and makes it impervious to a broom. It also causes every little tiny piece of shell to adhere to feet so they can travel to multiple other parts of the house. Did I mention a lapse in mental functioning?

The older children wasted no time and began fighting, slapping, and whining and cooked up a heady argument by 8am. I sent them outside. The toddler followed me around the house with her snow pants in hand whining to go out. "We can go outside just as soon as that pumpkin bread is done" was my lame response. Do you know how long pumpkin bread takes to cook when a crying, frustrated toddler is waiting?

Meanwhile, the older ones came back inside and begged me to play cards with them, play chutes & ladders (I hate that game), put in a movie, start the computer, get out the watercolor paints, make a cake, invite a friend over, take us to the Minnesota Zoo, go to the video store, take us to the bakery, how many days until we go to the Wisconsin Dells?, sharpen these colored pencils, How come I have to use scratch paper? Why can't I use paper from your printer?, How come you never take us anywhere?, put in my pigtails, watch this! watch this! no, wait, that wasn't right, Ok, NOW watch!, make her quit touching me, get me some ice water, can I cut the pumpkin bread?, make new play-dough, fix the hole in my jeans, Sister said she was going to stab me with a colored pencil, Why can't I cut the pumpkin bread?, play this card game I invented, teach me to sew, Sister was gonna stab me so I poked her in the eye, etc.

Twelve hours later when the pumpkin bread was done, I spent another 25 minutes dressing the toddler to go outside. She took a long hard look at the snowdrifts and started wailing "inside! inside!" The older ones took her in hand and I started up the snow thrower. No matter which way I pointed the chute, most of the stuff flew back in my face. My neighbor has one that throws the snow to South Dakota, mine manages a modest 6 inches or so. So every pass takes longer & longer because the snow you just plowed is now piled heavily in the next row.

The toddler cried to go in the backyard, so I started a path, and told her to follow. The protesting was amazing. Turns out she wanted me to carry her. Maybe I'm a bad mother but I refuse to carry a twenty-six-pound toddler wrapped like the Michelin Man through waist-high drifts just for amusement. Perhaps to make it back to the dugout after feeding the livestock in an 1890 blizzard, but not for mere fun. I finally persuaded her to go out the back door of the garage. There she found a wonderful puddle of thick lint from the dryer vent to stomp in. I was so happy to see her occupied.

Later the toddler fell into a blissful nap, and the older kids set off to play in the neighbors yard. I hope some other Mom volunteers to do hot chocolate duty. What I should have done this morning was immediately taken two extra-strength Tylenol and added Kahlua to my coffee. I'll have to remember that on our next snow day.

Winter? Already?

Woke to a winter wonderland today! Even for Minnesota, this is a bit early but it sure is pretty. Snow mixed with rain was predicted for today, but it must have grown colder overnight and we woke to frosting covered trees and houses. My kids are out of school today for a teacher workshop so the youngest was thrilled to see this weather.
So IT has come a bit early this year!

And so IT starts

We had snow flurries here today, yes, you read that right, SNOW flurries! They were pretty, but I have a strict policy that snow must stay within a December 1st through March 31st time boundary. Winter in Minnesota just doesn't know it's place! Luckily the ground is far too warm for any accumulation but it's just another warning that IT is coming. IT is 10 below with a wind-chill factor of 40 below.

Know what else is coming? . . . The President Barack Obama Administration!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, I'm glad I don't live in Duluth

Duluth Minnesota is one of my favorite places on earth. In fact the whole North Shore ranks right up there. But today, I'm happy with our cold April rain and high winds. Northern Minnesota/Duluth is having a major blizzard with 50mph winds driving over a foot of snow with more snow on the way. A gale warning is posted for Lake Superior where waves up to 16 feet are expected. Thousands are without power.

HOWEVER, I'd really, really like to be holed up in a cabin with wood heat and hot coffee, and just sit and watch Mother Nature and powerful Lake Superior in action. That lake just speaks the language of my soul and I can't wait to go back. It must be in top form today.

Addendum at 9:30pm: it's snowing here too. Drat.
Addendum #2: this morning everything was coated with cold snow and the gray wind is harsh. For obvious reasons the pretty spring birds are hiding and the only ones visiting our trees are the scary crows and blackbirds. This Spring is starting to feel like a Steven King novel.

Out like a lion

Welcome to Spring in Minnesota!
This photo isn't from my camera but it might as well be. The snow is coming down in sheets and blowing horizontally, school was let out early, and there is at least 6" predicted before it's over. Looks like we have 6" already.
But the beauty of March snow is that it melts away as quickly as it falls. By Wednesday we'll probably be back to bare brown yards. At this time of year we don't even bother to shovel - it's just not our problem.

The Blue and the Gray

Get ready for a cranky rant - I have issues with February.

I really do like winter, I have nothing against winter, but lately it's been getting me down. February and early March are frankly hard for me - this is when I pay the fiddler to live in an otherwise spectacular climate.

This time of year in the Upper Midwest is just plain ugly. The snow is dirty, the ice is thick, folks are pale and cranky, my winter coat is dirty and smelly, the car is a pit, the skies are uniform iron gray, and the sun makes sporadic appearances. And I don't like Valentine's day. I resent being told by corporations that I need to express my affection by purchasing their crap. My husband and I have an alternative holiday - I make him a lasagna and he cleans out the van.

I used to have hopes that late winter would be a time to throw another log on the fire and curl up with a hot drink and a good book. But no, life goes on at the same pace. I still have to load groceries, haul kids, and sweep out the garage. Our schedule is just as full as ever. Only now we have to work around piles of dirty and frozen precipitation.

February - not my favorite.

Frozen again

It's cold again. Current temp is 8 below. That's without the windchill. Why do we live here?????

Aren't we wonderful???

Seems like everyone is blogging about their cooking skills these days, so I thougt I'd chime in. This is our Saturday here in Minnesota, and our cooking endeavors. First off, it's butt-numbing cold again. The wind is shrieking around the house like agitated abortion clinic protestors. Looks like a snow-globe out there. This photo depicts our fire pit with cooking irons.

So since it's so cold, we made a pan of baked beans with bacon on top. When survival is paramount, we go straight for the high fat foods. Yes, of course we have good central heat but you just never know up here so you'd better fatten up good. You know what happened to the Donner party.


Next we decided that fattening up meant sugar cookies. And in honor of Valentine's day they'd better be heart-shaped.


While the kids continued to roll out dough, I checked on the food supply in the garage. While there I made sure the van was still as dirty as could be - yep! Still dirty as hell and covered in road salt. You can hear the rust laughing at me if you listen really close.


See the piles of mud, crud, road salt, and snow on the garage floor? Here in the frozen tundra we call that car poop. It's a pain to sweep and shovel out. It turns black and slick, like oil but with absolutely no value on the export market. This photo is a mild pile of car poop - it's usually about 6 inches deep.


Finally the cookies were done. In my younger days, I would have fussed over them and created little creative marvels. But I have kids and hence many of my standards are in the toilet. So I just quickly frosted them and let the 8-year-old do the sprinkles. Third graders are much too liberal with embellishments - those sugary bb's are now all over my floor.


That's pretty much our Saturday. I also dyed my hair and we watched Urban Cowboy on TV in between cookie batches. Aren't we just something special????

Mnmom: The Ralphie Years

I was just cleaning out a closet and found this gem. I was probably 8, so it would be 1970. Starting on the right, we have me. Complete in my favorite plush coat and long stocking cap. The glasses however were not my favorite. I was cursed with the worst eyesight imaginable and have been wearing the ugliest glasses since first grade.

Next we have my World Class Best Friend Bethany. Bethany is now the coolest, hippest single woman living in a gorgeous 7 bedroom home in Boston. I miss her greatly. We were best friends through all of childhood and college. She knows all my warts and loves me still.

Next we have an unknown - it might be my sister Cheesecake Maven, but I have my doubts. That kid is too tall to be my little sister.

Next is Bethany's kid brother Mike.

We are enjoying a lovely winter afternoon at our small town skating rink. That was THE social spot in the cold months. I always enjoyed the groovy graffiti left by the big kids in the warming shack, and looked forward to the day when I could be cool like them. All warming shacks at outdoor ice rinks smell the same, and the odor takes me right back to childhood.

When will this stop??

Don't mean to keep harping on this, but our weather is just dramatically cold and dangerous. From weatherunderground: Tonight Windy. Partly cloudy. Lows around 15 below. Northwest winds 20 to 30 mph decreasing to 15 to 20 mph after midnight. Wind chill readings 27 below to 37 below zero.

My skin hurts, and the fire in the fireplace has all the warmth of a lit match.

Only in Minnesota

Watch this video. This is what deep winter does to folks up here.

Seen in every corner of Minnesota today

I've always wanted one of these hats, and today I'll REALLY want one. Our temp right now is 13 below. As my sis said the other day, it's amazing how the teenagers still leave my house in this weather dressed in the absolute minimum while I'm needing long johns and electric socks. I've bumped the heat up to an incredible global-warming Republican-like 70 degrees and it's still uncomfortable.

Why do we live here? Outside of this, the weather here is usually beautiful and keeps us on our toes with it's variety. You haven't lived until you've seen an enormous midwestern thunderstorm come rolling in over the plains. Or walked in the falling snow at night.

Just keep my toes from freezing and I'll enjoy the frozen sunny skies.

We're home safe and sound

We're home after a harrowing drive from Decorah, Iowa. To say it was snowing heavily puts it mildly. We had no business being on the road. During the stretch of Hwy 52 in Rochester MN, there were several accidents. I don't mean just cars in the ditch, I mean pile-ups involving several cars and emergency vehicles. Two such multi-car incidents involved an ambulance. The highway was like a skating rink. Several cars were crashed into guard rails with the drivers in them, talking on the phone. Probably being told by the 911 operators that they'd get right to them ASAP.

Return of the Ice Bowl

This weekend's NFL playoff game between the Green Bay Packers and the New York Giants will most definitely be a return of the ICE BOWL. The predicted high at Lambeau Field is 4 above.

On December 31, 1967, the Packers played Dallas at Lambeau Field in Green Bay during one of the coldest days on record. The daytime high reached -13 degrees with a windchill around 48 below.

From wikipedia: The bitter cold overwhelmed Lambeau's new turf heating system, leaving the playing surface hard as a rock and nearly as smooth as ice, but many believe Packer coach Vince Lombardi turned it off. The officials were unable to use their whistles after the opening kickoff. As the referee blew his metal whistle to signal the start of play, it froze to his lips. For the rest of the game, the officials used voice commands and calls to end plays and officiate the game.

Several players, including Dallas defensive tackle Jethro Pugh and Green Bay quarterback Bart Starr, still claim to suffer occasional mild effects of the frostbite they developed that day. Dallas quarterback Don Meredith came down with pneumonia after the game and was hospitalized on his return to Texas.

Furthermore, the UW - La Crosse Marching Chiefs band were supposed to perform the pregame and halftime shows. During warmups in the brutal cold, the woodwind instruments froze and wouldn't play, the mouthpieces of brass instruments got stuck to the players' lips, and seven members of the band were transported to local hospitals for hypothermia. The band's performances were canceled.

My husband has a video of this day and it looks downright brutal. All those cheeseheads in thin scarves and thinner shoes. They stood outside in the horrid weather without goretex, polypropylene, electric hunting socks, or those little miracles in a bag called hand warmers. I like football but I'm not an idiot. Tune in on Sunday just to see what people are wearing. Don't you just KNOW one guy will have a naked painted chest.

It's just so awfully COLD!

Our high today was 5. And with the windchill, I believe we are in the -10 range. It hurts to be outside. But from INSIDE, it's really beautiful. On these extreme cold winter days in Minnesota, the sun is so bright and perfect, and the snow is a crisp unbelievable white. So here's to the inside, central heat, hot coffee, and long johns - long may they wave!