Dear folks attending the crowded school event. I know the parking lots are covered with ice and snow, and our harsh winters often erase the painted lines. But if Luciano Pavarotti and William Howard Taft could link arms and stand hip-to-generous-hip between your car and the next, you're parked too far away, and you're probably taking up two spaces.
Hey you, yeah you with the giant SUV. See how your front end is dangerously close to the car parked on your left, but your rear end is kissing the car to your right? That's because you aren't parked straight. Fix it. Now.
Hey Old Guy, your turn signal is on.
Dearest new teen driver. Contrary to what your Mother told you, you really aren't that special. You cannot text, talk, run your iPod, drink Red Bull, and drive well all at the same time. And frankly you don't drive so well under the best of circumstances. So put down the phone, buckle up, and take the ear plugs out. The life you save might be your own, but it also might be MINE or the life of someone I love!!!
Hello macho guy. Pushing hard on your accelerator in no way demonstrates your manhood, your aggression, your sexual prowess, nor your physical strength. My Grandma can floor a gas pedal. We all can. It's no big talent.
Dear Suburbanite in the Hummer, we're all laughing at you.
Hey kid. Listen up. You are getting into my paid-for van to come over to my house to play with my kid, eat my food, watch my tv, and tear up my lawn. If you make one more comment about how old my vehicle is, or how I don't have two sliding doors, or how yours is much nicer I will drop you off at the closest police station, tell them I found a gun in your back pack, you were making bomb threats on your facebook page, and you molested our cat.
To the NICE Minnesotans. It's not good manners to let people go before you at 4-way stops. It's confusing. And annoying. If you were the first one there GO! If we got there at the same time and you're on the right GO! If you aren't crossing traffic GO! If it's your turn GO! If you don't know the rules of 4-way stops take another route. or get educated.