Not much, you?

1. I'm on a weight loss program, eschewing all things delicious, making good choices, and losing about .0000567 lbs per week.  At this rate I'll hit my goal in 2036.  Just in time for the retirement home.

2. Spring is a month early in Minnesota, which has to qualify as a full-on miracle.  Tulips in March up here is a sign of the apocalypse.

3. If I don't win the mega-millions tonight, my girls and I might have to take up prostitution to cover college tuition.  My services will cover a highly select niche market.

4. Rick Santorum is just a nasty little dink.

5. I want one of the food-preparation-thingys from Star Trek where you just tell computer what you want and it slides out from a drawer in the wall.  I wouldn't even mind washing the dishes.

6. Every weekend until late May, I'm making cheesecake and biscotti for the twins' graduation party.  Yes, the same kids that claim I never do anything nice for them.

7. When I win the mega millions tonight, the first 2 comments get $100,000 each.  Dr. Monkey will always get a chunk cuz I know he'd do the same for me.

We won't go back

Dear GOP men and your self-loathing women,

We, the women of the USA, will NOT go back in the cage.

We will not allow your fears and control issues to crawl inside our bodies, like you own the place.
We will not go back to the days of butchering before Roe vs Wade.
We WILL completely and unabashedly enjoy our sexuality with any adult partner of our choosing.  And if our smiling sexually satisfied faces horrify you, you'd best just stay home.
We WILL decide how many, if any, children we bear.
We will not "behave" while you shatter our civil rights.
We will physically break any vaginal ultrasound wand you bring at us in an attempt to control us.
We will go to jail to fight for our rights.
We will NOT be forced out of the public eye.

If you mess with our freedom, we will HURT you.